I’ve never experienced a moment wherein I was not moving closer to my death.
There’s a funny thing about common sense. No matter how common it might be, it seems sometimes it can take years or decades to have the information sink and and have it’s effect. I don’t know when the average person’s brain develops well enough to comprehend death. I don’t know when we come to realize we have a finite amount of time in life. I imagine it’s somewhere in our first decade.
And yet I find myself approaching 30 years of age and still engaging with the thought that I might live but one more day, or continue on for 70 years. Whichever is true, the certainty of both is that it will arrive sooner than I think and there is no going back. I think everyone my age knows by now that “time flies” and that is true for minutes and years alike.
So what? I don’t really know. I suppose as we each continue to age and come to terms with this reality more and more we are supposed to double down on what matters in life and filter out the less important. I think this is where the disconnect happens between “knowing” what is common sense and having it sink in and impact reality. If I was quizzed on what’s important in my life and what I would like to accomplish, it would be very easy for me to answer in detail without hesitation. And yet, when I look at how I’m living, the dissonance is louder than ever.
I’m sure a Ph.D somewhere could read that and place my thinking on a scale some long-dead person developed and published in pursuit of discovering why we seemingly all go through this cognitive process. Who knows. All I know is I am closer to being dead now than when I started this post………. yeah…. filing this one under “random”.
I want a cookie.