Random Thoughts · Theology

What Really Happens When a Bad Person Goes to Church?

Here’s what happens:

The service starts, all the bad people stand up, they sing, and then they sit back down and listen to the chiefly-bad person tell them about a good person that did everything required to bring bad people back in contact with a Good God. Then they eat donuts.

That’s basically it. Oh, I forgot to mention the announcements. Churches LOOOOVVEEE announcements!

I had this thought because while at work recently I overheard some people joking something like, “Gosh, I haven’t been to church in so long, I would probably explode in flames if I walked in there! I’m such a bad person!”

The obvious irony that struck me is that thinking bad people explode into flames in church is precisely due to not being in church long enough to know better.

Morton Kelly said, “Church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners.”

Does that mean there aren’t saints in church? Well no, duh. But it certainly means there are sinners in church. Who are they? Well, it’s the visitors (obviously!!…… too soon?) and the saints right along with them.

Christianity is beautiful for a lot of reasons, two of which are very simple. The first is that according to Jesus, literally every single person on the planet is equally screwed. We are all morally corrupt and that corruption separates us from having the relationship with God that he intended. Second, getting out of that screwedness (hey Alexa, is screwedness a word?) and into a situation of not-screwed is something God does for people as an act of grace and mercy that we never deserve.

So there are only two kinds of people in the world. Jk there’s three, actually. First, there are regular people (group A, the screwed group, aka everyone from birth). Yeah that’s where we start. Then there are Christians (Group B) the people God saved. These people are recipients of undeserved favor and forgiveness and they’re SUPPOSED to be telling other people about it, not being dummy-heads. But the dummy-head thing is part of being human, so… sorry about that. Then there are people that call themselves Christians (Group C) but taste and smell and in every way appear to be just like group A. We don’t like these peoples. These are fat hobbits.

So who explodes when they go into church? Fortunately, no one (well if it was a Group C it might be ok…. I can hear my wife getting upset I just wrote that. Sorry Laura).

Who is church for then? It’s for the A’s and B’s. The C’s just creep in because they’re creepers and they tend to ultimately ruin the fun for everyone. These are usually the Christian’s that CNN likes to interview and Family Guy loves to talk about.

What group are you in? Figure that out, and then go to church. You just might be surprised at how COOL it is. Get it? Cool…. Like not a fire?

That is all.

 

Ps. This article just fell together and I don’t have time to proof read because I’m super behind on paperwork, so I apologize if it doesn’t make sense. I will delete this P.S when I get time to proof read. Until then, don’t explode! (and stay classy San Diego)

One thought on “What Really Happens When a Bad Person Goes to Church?

  1. THAT PERSON ONLY FINDS OTHER SIN-FILLED SOULS, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS, FOR THE CHURCH IS OF SPIRIT, AS IS OUR GOD, AND IF YOU DO NOT WORSHIP IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH, YOU ARE WORSHIPING IN COMPLETE VAIN – “DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT YOUR BODIES ARE THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT?” “YOU WERE BOUGHT AT A PRICE!”

    Like

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